Please. Stop this madness. Stop the madness that is the continual keeping of American Idol contestant Kevin Covais on the show week after week. What must I do, America? What must I do to open your eyes to the agony and loss of dignity that is suffered on each song Kevin chooses week after week? Yes, I was amused during his auditions. And his first performance on stage doing the Josh Grobin thing was so laughable I forgave him for knocking out that dude who sang the hysterical "Copacabana."
But "I Heard it Through the Grapevine?" America, please...did you hear the same song I did? I know Marvin Gaye heard it - he turned over in his grave. And it is with a choked heart that I even acknowledge the debacle that was "Part Time Lover" on last night's Stevie Wonder tribute.
I'm not sure, but I think a little piece of Stevie died that night.
I know I don't have the right to ask you this - after all, this is the first time I've not turned away shuddering in abject horror from the tragedy that is "reality television." Who do I blame? Paula Abdul - you with your heaving chest and constant reiteration of everything Randy says, have you seduced me? Or is it Simon Cowell - he of the eternal V-Neck shirts and acerbic wit? Oh, Simon...how do you manage to put up with the inane banter of the other two, how do you do it?
Randy Jackson...I would comment on you, but your sparkley diamond watch mesmerizes me each and every week. You, sir, have the BLING.
America, please. Do the right thing. We can't afford to lose our national treasures like Elliot Yamin (pick some better songs, dude!), Taylor "Tourette" Hicks, or Ace...beautiful Ace...you stop my mother's heart, you slab of beefcake (my mother's words, honest). We can't afford to lose our Katherine McPhee, our Kellie Pickler (although I've seen more sex appeal in an onion...admittedly it was a dirty onion, but all the same), our Mandisa. Everyone, say it with me: MANDISA!!! Please do the right thing and silence the banal pedestrian vocal cords of Kevin Corvais.
Oh, and on a small note, please try to stop this crazy shift towards turning into a right-wing extremist conservative wacko intolerant Christian turn the other cheek unless it happens to deal with oil or abortion, or the poor or freedom of speech, or gay marriage or stem cell research, or education or anything that slowly rotting our country from the inside out type of nation. It doesn't become you.
Thanks. See you later,