There's so much tied up in that simple sentence. I don't have the energy or the words yet to describe what the past couple of days have been like. And even the experiences that come with being home are hard to put into words right now.
We're both doing well. So far more steps forward than back. But there's so much tied up in what happened, how I went through it, and how I'm currently coping with recovering at home. Sometimes you need to take a step back. And right now I can't write about the bleeding, the pain and the blisters, the lack of sleep, the trauma-induced fears that manifest themselves at the strangest moments. I want to write about it, I want to let it all out so that it starts to make a little sense to me. But I can't climb outside of it yet. So here instead is a small list of some of the non-personal company I've been keeping, that's been making it easier to keep moving forward, even when there are steps back.
- The Disappointment Artist by Jonathan Lethem
- Desire by Bob Dylan, especially "One More Cup of Coffee"
- The 87th Precinct Novels by Ed McBain - specifically Killer's Wedge and Doll
- Warner Brothers' Film Noir Box Sets Vol. 3
- Veronica Mars - the Complete 2nd Season
- My Motorola V815 phone
- A 3 pound box of pastries from Farrara's in Little Italy, which although I did not partake in was more special to me for the joy it gave my family, who had had nothing to eat all day. The person who brought it can read this 1000 times and never really know what it meant to me and my family that he came to check up on us.